Life is complicated. Nothing has ever come easy to anyone. You struggle, you fight and, eventually, you survive. You fail, you succeed, but all you do is keep going on. Nature has set its course easy on us. Given us dawn until dusk to work, eat, exercise, and restore energy through sleep. But it isn’t so simple, is it?
Our lives are more complex with our human companions a part of it. Those who we can’t live without, those who bless us, and those who we are good without — each leaving an impact on the course of our ever-so-different journeys. As a hobby-based counsellor (more like a listener and an advisor), many questions that I tend to receive are related to people. I realised that most troubles, heartaches, happiness, and sadness one feels are all somehow connected to that one (or more) relationship we care about.
So, what’s the advice you should know when it comes to relationship management? What’s a foolproof recipe to create a sound environment and connection with the relationships we have? Every situation differs. Each human being is different. All matters should have an individualistic approach to its solution. Here are some general rules I preliminary set for everyone seeking advice.
Talk to one another! Never jump to assumptions or conclusions without hearing the other out. DO NOT ASSUME. PERIOD.
For instance, if a third person comes up and tells you about your significant other, don’t believe them until you have spoken to your friend or partner. Hear it from them rather than believing someone else completely, without evidence. Create a bond so strong that you trust them instead of other people who aren’t significant.
This is a big red flag when it comes to any relationship, especially when it comes to your significant other. They usually exist to make you question yourself, making you feel invalidated. Yes, those people are meant to be kept outside your parameters.
How? Limit them to your normal ‘hi-hellos’. These are the people who continuously play the blame game and hold you responsible for the tiniest things. They’ll make sure to tell you that you are at fault and shamelessly want to be entitled as the best person.
Don’t put your dignity at stake for people who do no good to you. Prioritise your well-being and happiness FIRST. If you don’t treat yourself well, there’s no way people would. If your partner or friend undermines you, make sure to take no longer than a few seconds to tell them to shoo away. The one who plays mind games is meant to be shoo-ed.
Self-respect is the biggest thing. If someone doesn’t respect you, you should let them be and move on.
Being in a relationship can be exhausting. Having to please your partner and keeping them happy will feel like an overwhelming task at times if you give yourself no break or rest. Remember to give you and your partner some space.
A good ‘me-time’ or a self-care session is best to keep you sane! A little bit of time to yourself, whether it’s five to ten minutes or several hours, is a necessity to declutter your thoughts, understand yourself, and evaluate what you should or shouldn’t do.
Speaking of me-time, I can’t highlight its importance enough. YOU NEED YOU. And for that, you need some time to do something YOU love! It could be anything — colouring, writing, photography, reading, exercising, or even dancing. Make the best out of your quality time to enjoy your preferred activity.
My definition of a perfect me-time is a cosy evening, complemented by my big mug of chaaye (tea), my notepad and planner, enjoying the cool weather, with my nephew and niece dozing peacefully, while the sound of rain and peace fills my home. I also find that getting prepared and filling up my planner are also forms of spending time for myself.
This, everyone, is my kick-ass moment — finding a perfect time to declutter and sort it all out!
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