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13 Feb 2025
6 Min Read
Preevena Devi (Contributing Writer)
Gone without a trace. One moment, they're there. The next, they're not. What does ghosting reveal about how we communicate—or fail to—today?
Oh, the joys of love—the exhilarating rush of a newfound connection, the electrifying spark of stolen glances, the giddy excitement of late-night conversations, the fluttering delight of midday texts, and the aching anticipation of future meetings. Alas, love is a paradox: just as swiftly as it blossoms, it can wither without warning. Replies slow, responses wane; the warmth that once felt sure fades into an unshakable chill. You tell yourself that they're busy, that they'll text back, that they must have an explanation. But the silence lingers, stretching from minutes to hours, days into weeks—until absence is the only answer.
Introducing ghosting, an all-too-common phenomenon in modern relationships. For those unfamiliar with the term, here's a quick rundown: ghosting (not to be confused with the supernatural kind) refers to abruptly cutting off contact with someone without warning or explanation. The experience is both unsettling and deeply disorienting, leaving many to grapple with questions of self-worth, trust, and confidence—not to mention the ever-evolving complexities of human connection.
If love is a paradox, modern dating is an enigma. Dating apps haven't just changed how we connect; they've made it easier than ever to disconnect. In a world where love is just a swipe away (or so the apps claim), swipe culture has taken over—quick judgments, low-effort interactions, and a disposable mindset. Instant gratification fuels this cycle, with each match offering a brief dopamine hit, reinforcing the urge to keep swiping in search of the next rush.
What's more, with dating apps designed for rapid-fire swiping, presenting an endless stream of options, relationships start to resemble a numbers game—each conversation is just one of many; each connection is just a stand-in for the next. The paradox of choice only adds to the problem: the more options we have, the harder it is to commit to just one. Commitment then feels like a restriction rather than a natural progression. And so, ghosting is no longer the exception—it's the rule.
Contrary to popular belief, no two instances of ghosting are the same. Here are a few common types of ghosting that can occur in modern dating:
This type of ghosting creeps in slowly. Responses get shorter, plans get cancelled, and interest fades into indifference. The ghoster subtly pulls away, making it hard to notice at first. Over time, the ghosted is left wondering where they stand in the relationship.
Sometimes, both people simply drift apart without ever acknowledging it. Communication wanes, and there's no confrontation or closure. This form of ghosting often happens in casual or low-investment relationships, where a silent disconnection slowly takes hold until the relationship fades away.
This is the most abrupt and painful form of ghosting—the one that hits hardest. One moment, everything seems fine; the next, it isn't. This sudden disappearance leaves the ghosted in shock, grappling with the pain of being left without any warning or explanation.
But why do people ghost? Here's what the ghoster thinks they're doing—and what experts say about it:
Ghosters typically rationalise their actions as a way to avoid conflict or spare someone's feelings. Common rationales include:
By framing their disappearance as an act of kindness, ghosters are often unaware—or unconcerned—about the deeper emotional impact they leave behind.
Psychologists view ghosting as a form of conflict avoidance, often linked to emotional unavailability and fear of intimacy. Many ghosters struggle with open communication, choosing silence over uncomfortable conversations. This behaviour is further normalised by societal shifts towards casual dating and disposable relationships, which reduce emotional accountability. The anonymity of online interactions also makes it easier to disappear without facing consequences, fostering a culture where convenience takes precedence over respect.
Regardless of what experts say, experiencing ghosting firsthand can be deeply hurtful. Here's how ghosting can impact the ghosted:
Being ghosted often triggers feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt. The sudden disappearance can lead to thoughts like: 'Was I not good enough?' or 'Did I do something wrong?' The ghosted may begin to question their self-worth, feeling unlovable or easily replaceable.
Ghosting can cause anxiety, obsessive rumination, and emotional distress. The lack of closure can also lead to attachment issues, particularly for those with anxious or avoidant attachment styles. Without an explanation, self-blame can take over, resulting in prolonged emotional turmoil.
Experiencing ghosting can make it difficult to trust others. Many who are ghosted develop a fear of abandonment, becoming hesitant to open up emotionally. The lingering worry of being ghosted again can lead to emotional detachment or reluctance to invest in future relationships.
Ghosting contributes to a broader culture of emotional disposability. As avoidance becomes normalised, people are less likely to develop healthy communication skills. The decreasing emphasis on emotional accountability allows ghosters to dismiss connections without considering the impact on others.
And now that we've discussed the emotional toll ghosting can take, let's explore how to cope with it:
Ghosting is painful, but it's important to remember that it reflects the other person's behaviour, not your worth. Allow yourself to grieve the lost relationship without internalising the rejection.
Writing down your thoughts and emotions can help process the hurt. Recognising red flags early on can also provide clarity and prevent future disappointments. Be mindful not to view things through rose-tinted glasses.
Invest in self-care, hobbies, and nurturing other healthy relationships. One person's inability to communicate respectfully does not define your value. Surround yourself with people who appreciate and respect you.
Instead of dwelling on what went wrong, embrace the opportunity for healthier, more fulfilling connections. Use the experience to set boundaries and clarify what you want in future relationships.
If you find yourself caught in a toxic cycle of ghosting others, these steps can help you break the habit—for your own growth and the well-being of those around you:
Consider how ghosting may have impacted the other person. If you notice a pattern of avoiding difficult conversations, this signals an area for growth. Acknowledging it is the first step in breaking the cycle.
Avoidance may seem easier, but honest communication is far more respectful. Use clear, direct statements like:
'I don't feel a connection, but I respect the time we spent together.'
'I'm not in the right place to continue this relationship.'
'I've enjoyed getting to know you, but I don't see this moving forward romantically.'
By practising these conversations, you'll build confidence in handling tough discussions with maturity.
Respectful endings allow both parties to move forward with clarity. By choosing honesty over avoidance, you foster empathy and maturity in relationships, setting the stage for healthier connections in the future.
Ghosting isn't just a fleeting dating trend—it's a deeper reflection of how we connect (or fail to) in a world that's growing increasingly disconnected. Understanding the reasons behind ghosting and its emotional toll is the first step towards healthier, more meaningful relationships. Sure, ghosting might seem like an easy escape, but real connections are built on honesty, vulnerability, and communication. When we choose transparency over silence, we're creating space for relationships to flourish. So, let's leave avoidance behind and start embracing open conversations. After all, it's in the tough talks that trust, empathy, and respect truly grow.
Preevena Devi pursued Cambridge A Level at Taylor's College before attending Monash University. She is a biomedical science student, a passionate feminist, and a firm believer in the transformative power of the written word to change the world!
