Online Dating: Risking It All for Love

17 Feb 2022

7 Min Read

Ali Moossajee (Guest Contributor)

IN THIS ARTICLE

"I think everyone would love to just meet someone in a store or a bar...

but nowdays, the best way you can meet someone is on a dating app" ~ The Tinder Swindler

Even though we all have our own perfect, idealised fantasy of meeting the one, whether it’s locking eyes with someone across the cafe or someone helping you pick up a stack of fallen notes as you head to class, real life isn’t a movie. You’re more than likely to find the one by swiping left or right on a dating app. With the world in the palm of our hands paired with the limits that came with the pandemic, dating apps, like Tinder, Bumble, Coffee Meets Bagel, and many others, have accelerated to become a familiar resort for many in today's society.

It's not always about finding ‘true love’ when people join online dating sites though. They’re frequently used for short-term or casual relationships and even merely to meet new people! Even if we don't realise what we're getting ourselves into, convenience comes at a price because, with online dating platforms, you’re not only giving yourself the ease to do that at any time, no matter where you are, for some, it’s also a matter of who you are.

In a society where anyone can claim to be anything, compartmentalising something as truly true or fake can be debatable. It's a lot like placing an ad for yourself on the Internet. No matter which platform you use, you'd have to build a profile, include photographs, and a short bio that best represents you. However, this curated information doesn’t necessarily tell the whole story.

Exaggerating Potential or Bringing Your Best Foot Forward?

"You can be whoever you want to be — yourself, another version of yourself, or a completely different person." ~ The Circle

The reality series, ‘The Circle’, features contestants competing for a cash prize by being the last person standing as the ‘top influencer’ or highest rated person in the competition. The catch? They’re kept isolated from each other and are only able to communicate via text on a specially-designed social media application, called The Circle, giving them the opportunity to be whoever they want to be.

Having that opportunity sounds like an interesting option, right? Well, that’s how internet dating essentially could be! You build your profile to show who you are or perhaps only highlight the best parts — and don’t we already do that, sans online dating? Isn’t it common to put your best foot forward for the person you’re interested in?

While it’s typical to show the best version of yourself first even in person, online dating often tempts you to exaggerate the persona you’re trying to put forth. When it limits the way your personality can shine in person, compromising on what you can show may seem like the only option to ‘market’ yourself to just about anyone coming across your profile.

Threading between the line of honesty and false representation then becomes trickier to navigate through. Because of the intent of creating the perfect first impression to match with a person who’s really into those qualities, you often end up with a romanticised version of yourself which could result in expectations that can’t be met, affecting any chance of having a pure and honest relationship.

How Far Would You Go For Love?

‘There’s plenty of fish in the sea!’

You’ve probably heard that phrase or have been bombarded with uncalled-for questions one too many times whether by friends or during family gatherings. So, finding your perfect person or ‘the one’ might almost be close to impossible… or at least until you’ve read up on that profile! It’s for this reason that when that person, who makes you feel like life is a fantasy, comes into the picture, it’s easy to be swept off your feet and be swooned.

But are we foregoing the biggest risk because we’re blinded by our dream person? With online dating, you can never really trust the accuracy of the information presented anywhere. You never really know what’s going on on the other side of the screen, especially when everything you know about them firsthand is essentially an advert of themselves. But, let's not lie, even if we detect them, it’s easier to ignore obvious red flags in desperate situations than to run away from them, especially when they seem all too good to let go.

Now, I’d like to think the world is a nice, happy, and safe place where everyone has genuinely good intentions for each other. That’d make me sleep so much easier. But it’s 2022! We’ve to wake up and realise that this isn't the reality. There’s always that risk of people taking advantage of you in some way, maybe even using and manipulating you — and that’s exactly what happened on Netflix’s ‘The Tinder Swindler’, which paints a picture on how we often go to great lengths when we care deeply of that someone.

Swooned and Swindled for Love

Spoiler Alert! If you’ve yet to watch The Tinder Swindler, you may want to skip the next paragraph.

The Tinder Swindler, a documentary telling the story of how Simon Leviev, whose real name is Shimon Haiyut, scammed three women on Tinder, is a perfect example of how too-good-to-be-true might be just that. After flaunting his status as the son of a diamond magnate, he invites his matches to 5-star hotels, high-end restaurants, and sends invites to dates overseas using his private jets.

After gaining their trust and loyalty, he lures his victims and convinces them to loan him hundreds of thousands of dollars to escape undetected from the threats of his enemies, using very convincing pictures no less! What he’s really doing though, is spending that money on the next person he’s preying on.

You may be thinking, “Wow that’s pretty stupid to give your money to a complete stranger. I’ll never get to that stage!”

Wouldn’t you help the love of your life when they’re in deep trouble and you’re the only person that could help them out? Wouldn’t that be a small price in comparison to the life of your dreams? Truth is, the internet can be manipulated to show an intended image and it’s hard to clearly differentiate true from false especially when it promises you your future.

This documentary serves as a real wake up call to the dark side that exists on the internet, the facade people can create, and the accuracy of information. It makes you realise that not everything is the way we perceive it to be no matter how much we believe it, even if you run an extensive search on the person before going out with them.

Don't Give Up! It's Not All Doom and Gloom

Now, I’m not saying everyone on these apps are on the edge of their seats trying to catfish you. Just like The Circle and The Tinder Swindler, there are genuine people on the apps. As Cecile, one of the victims in the Tinder Swindler, expressed at the end of the documentary when asked if she’s still on app, “Tinder has nothing to do with this. I was on Tinder immediately… I’m still looking for love so…”

With that being said, it’s especially crucial that you do stay as safe as possible when you’re on any apps! This could mean moving beyond that Google search bar and taking the right precaution. Get input from friends and families and meet theirs before committing anything further. Most importantly, don’t be blind to OBVIOUS RED FLAGS, no matter how difficult they are to spot. Having a close friend be your accountability partner would help.

So before you rule out online dating altogether, because it’s a scary world out there in the name of love, rest assured, good people do exist. At the end of the day, online dating has its own pros and cons and meeting that someone physically does too. Regardless of the way you meet your significant other, I hope that you experience the love that you deserve.

Ali Moossajee was a student of the Bachelor of Quantity Surveying (Hons) at Taylor's University. He was the president of the Taylor's Unibuddy Ambassadors as well as a Senior Taylor's Global Ambassador. He enjoys cultivating connections with others and hopes to inspire others to grow and develop their purpose.

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