Explore how differing perspectives unfold the scroll of understanding, and the brushstroke of agreeing to disagree writes the character of a family reunited.
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07 Feb 2024
6 Min Read
Liew Yen Rou (Student Writer), Nellie Chan (Editor)
Explore how differing perspectives unfold the scroll of understanding, and the brushstroke of agreeing to disagree writes the character of a family reunited.
Blocking out dates on a packed calendar, planning the trip back home, and selecting the perfect outfit for the occasion — despite these tremendous efforts to prepare for the Chinese New Year festivities, nothing quite prepares us for the conversations with our family.
For many of us, relocating to the city in pursuit of our personal paths often translates to separation from our families. Reuniting with them then becomes a rare occurrence, with festive seasons reserved as the few reasons for such gatherings. Consequently, we tend to romanticise family reunions as joyous occasions filled with smiles and laughter — reminiscent of simpler times. However, the stark reality sets in as we realise that, over distance and time, even the closest of families can gradually grow estranged, making once-easy conversations difficult.
From sweeping the house clean and putting up decorations to preparing food for the festivities, every second spent with our families offers an opportunity to bond. Although there are many ways to do so, the preferred method is engaging in conversation, often prompted by the simple yet profound question of 'How are you?'
Catching up with each other through conversation can significantly strengthen family bonds, demonstrating genuine care for the other person and a sincere interest in learning more about them. Moreover, the person we are catching up with would also enjoy talking about themselves. Research conducted by the Harvard University Social Cognitive and Affective Neuroscience Lab revealed that self-disclosure (i.e., talking about the self) corresponds with increased neural activity in areas of the brain associated with motivation and reward.
However, talking about ourselves — expressing our thoughts and feelings or sharing details about our lives — may not always be as straightforward. Some questions posed by another are perhaps too personal, touching on sensitive topics such as 'When is the marriage?', 'Why did you give up on that career?', and 'How are you coping with that lifestyle?' Thus, most of us tend to keep our answers short or even resort to telling lies to avoid specific responses or a specific someone altogether.
Within the family, every member walks a different path and lives a distinct life. Similar to the strangers we might meet on the streets, each familiar face we welcome at our family reunion embraces a unique perspective — a perspective to which they are entitled.
Consider our predecessors — our parents and grandparents. They undoubtedly developed their perspectives through years of experiences, not merely inheriting them from their predecessors. We, too, are in the ongoing process of forming our points of view as we experience the facets of life and learn from the lives of those around us. Only then can we cast our own illuminating 'light' upon our surroundings. Thus, we must recognise that our perspectives (e.g., values, beliefs, and attitudes) derive from how we interpret and interact with the world.
Hence, even within this tight-knit group, which we refer to as 'family', disagreements may arise over a particular subject or situation, pointing to the inevitability of differing perspectives. However, how we address these differences is important as it impacts the dynamics among family members, potentially straining our relationships.
Therefore, remember this: every opinion always has a reason. That is why the first step is to listen attentively to differing perspectives, even when we find ourselves agreeing to disagree. Consequently, the second step is learning to engage in healthy arguments. This transcends mere conflict resolution; it delves into diverse viewpoints and fosters constructive communication, ensuring both parties are seen and heard (i.e., acknowledged and understood). Furthermore, it plays a pivotal role in nurturing personal and interpersonal growth, promoting open-mindedness and collaborative problem-solving. Now, let's explore how to have healthy arguments.
DOs
DON'Ts
By agreeing to disagree through healthy arguments, perspectives may naturally evolve as both parties foster respectful dialogue and consider each other's viewpoints. As we learn to address differences constructively within our family, we strengthen our bonds and deepen our understanding of one another. And who knows, perhaps one day, you and that opinionated auntie might just see eye to eye.
At the end of the day, our family's priority is to look out for us. This behaviour is observable among our older relatives who willingly lend their perspectives to the younger ones, even if we perceive them as unsolicited. Their concern arises from the desire to spare us from making a bad decision or facing worse consequences, drawing from their own experiences or those of others.
However, taking in the perspectives of our older relatives does not necessarily mean we should throw ours out the window. It can be challenging to change our perspectives if we are firmly grounded in them (as we should be), and the same goes for them. So, even if you agree to disagree, take in the feedback, advice, or comments given and use them to reevaluate a decision made or factor them into your decision-making process — it broadens your horizons.
As everyone takes their seats at the dining table for the reunion dinner, let us value the differing people (and their perspectives) as much as we savour the different flavours that come together to make up the mouthwatering dishes. Chinese New Year is ultimately a celebration of family and unity, so even when we agree to disagree, let us welcome conversations with one another and celebrate the bonds that are made stronger through them. After all, what's family life without a sprinkle of spice?
Wishing you and your family a Happy Chinese New Year!
Liew Yen Rou is currently pursuing a Bachelor of Mass Communication (Honours) at Taylor's University. She is an aspiring journalist who pens her thoughts on current issues to while away the time.